Feeling oddly good, but maybe not, what?

I've been experiencing this heavy emotional disengagement for the past few months. The past week, it's gotten so bad I almost killed myself a few times out of the unbelievable detachment I felt (I'm not going to do it, don't worry). I went to the hospital on Friday for it and they set me up with a psychiatrist appointment (which is happening on Friday). They also prescribed clonazepam to take once nightly as a sleeping aid (0.5 mg, only at night right before I go to sleep). I felt weirdly disaffected into the next day until I went out with my girlfriend. After we were intimate, I felt oddly good, but at the same time it was like I was still disaffected. It was like I could picture everyone I loved dying in my head and not feel a thing. Over the past few days it's still been going up and down between okay and terrible, but still feeling oddly unaffected by external stimuli. The only time I feel "good" is after . Also playing video games seems to help. Sometimes I wonder if maybe it's just the fact that I think about things until they lose all feeling, but I'm not sure if you can really do that with concepts. Also it seems like every time I stop thinking, I stop feeling, although I still act like I'm feeling (not on purpose, it just comes naturally). I generally feel only mostly conscious, and nothing ever really feels significant. It all seems really symptomatic of clinical depression, except for the part where I occasionally feel good. Is that normal? Or is it maybe just a side effect of the sleeping pills? As twisted as it feels, it's like sometimes I want to feel bad. It's not like I feel like I deserve to feel bad, it's more like sometimes the situation just calls for feeling bad, but it's like no matter what the situation calls for, I'm just going to feel what I'm going to feel.