How do you like this begining of my story?

Okay.... Firstly, your chapters need to be WAY longer. you don't have enough info in each chapter and its really amateurish. Secondly, your puntuation. For example, when you said "my grasp got harder, and he started choking, gasping for breath." You should have said "My grasp got harder and he started choking; gasping for breath." Thirdly, you need to know if the story is going to be in past or present tense. If it's in present tense its going to be like she's living the story and you're reading what's happening at the time it's happening. If you're telling it past tense its as if she's telling the story as if she's already lived. Fourthly, your grammer is ATROCIOUS. You really need to work on that if you even want your story to be considered by a publishing agency. Fifthly, you need not start your story off with dialougue. You need to start it off with an eye-catching sentence that keeps the reader interested enough to keep reading. And lastly, you need to work on being able to tell your story from a 14 year olds point of view. When i read over your story i could tell an 11 year old wrote it. you have to make it seem like the 14 year old is telling the story, not an 11 year old. try to make it sound more mature. Oh yeah, also when you said "i strutted over to him", it doesn't make sense. you could say "I angrily walked over to him" or "I stormed over to him." hope i helped!